How did it go?
For the first time ever, I had to board all 3 of my fur-children, and I can’t explain the anxiety and utter sadness I felt over this.
I’ve had to board Belle before, but I’ve always managed to find someone to cat-sit at home. I couldn’t this time. The one cat, Raptor, has a history of urinary blockage, so I’m super anxious to move him to a new environment, even for a few days. Luckily, where they are being boarded is also a veterinary hospital. Even so, I kept apologizing to him and Sabrina as I placed them in the cat condo they will be sharing for the next 3 ½ days.
Belle, of course, didn’t even look back since she’s so used to going to daycamp (and loves it).
So, I spent most of my day travelling—to the boarding facility, to the airport, on a plane, to the hotel…Ugh. Being on my own for a few hours—between hanging out in the airport and being on the plane—meant I had time to think. I was in danger of being overwhelmed a few times, but I took those moments to sort of watch those thoughts drift by. I actually created an image of myself talking to me and telling me to stop and asking the questions I usually ask others in similar situations: Can you control that? (No.) Can you do anything about it now? (No.) Do you know what you want? (Yes.) Take a deep breath. Pray.
And something came to me: I have a bad habit of comparing my life to the lives of others.
I realize I shouldn’t do this, that it’s terrible to do. The phrase “don’t compare your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel” comes to mind. But I have! And it’s no wonder people felt they were an inconvenience to me, that they could not meet my (impossible) expectations, they would never be good enough for me. Because I was so busy thinking someone else has received a blessing I desire, why not us?
And just writing it out makes me feel so utterly guilty.
What did I learn?
God has something designed for each one of us, and it will not be the same as anything anyone else experiences. Comparison, then, is pointless. Not only pointless, but also dangerous.
I felt that a certain job or a certain lifestyle would be the answer to all the problems I thought I was experiencing, but that just isn’t the case. And God will let you know, somehow, when you have strayed.
This particular image on Toby Mac’s Facebook page spoke to me today. It really made me look back and see perhaps God is trying to save me from myself.
I pray I haven’t gone too far.
In the time I have had alone today, I’ve realized that keeping my mouth shut can change my perspective and can even offer some hope. I’ve realized that maybe God is trying to tell me something.
“I look to the sky, where does my help come from.” My help comes from the Lord. And that is the most positive thing I could experience.