Day 23: Guilt

How did it go?

There is a reason the saying is “guilt ridden.” The word ridden means to be full of something bad or unpleasant. When you are guilt ridden, you are full of guilt.

I made some choices based on what I thought I wanted and what I thought would most benefit my family. At some point, those choices ended up not being what I anticipated, in a lot of ways. In fact, they’ve become unhealthy.

An internal battle ensued. I had made this decision, and I was stuck with it. I have to pay for what I did. There’s no backing out. Right? The guilt crept in, hard and fast.

My therapist asked me one week if my guilt was serving me a purpose, and I wasn’t really sure how to respond. Was it? Or was I allowing it to consume me without learning anything from it?

“I guess…it’s not?” I said, utterly confused.

Then she suggested something that changed my outlook: “Maybe it’s helping you see what you want and who you don’t want to be, so you can be better prepared for the future.”

I hadn’t thought guilt could serve any type of purpose. When it becomes a problem, though, is when it becomes all-consuming and we don’t forgive ourselves.

And that’s what I’ve been struggling with, which leads to a whole different set of issues.

What did I learn?

Feeling guilty has made me feel like there’s no way out. Because I felt guilty, I felt I had no right to be unhappy. After all, I had gotten myself into the mess, so I have to pay for it, right?

Not necessarily.

We are the ones that beat ourselves up over guilt, not God. When we get off the path, He will change our direction.

I felt that change today.

Something came over me, and I just felt as if He is moving, trying to teach me something. I’m tired of feeling as if I have no right to try to get out of something that isn’t meant for me, because God has something better in store. For the first time in a while, I felt empowered to do what I need to do.

I have set a goal for myself by the end of this challenge. That means I have 7 days to accomplish that goal. And I finally feel powerful enough to at least try.

Is guilt eating at you? Has it served its purpose and now you’re just wallowing? I encourage you to give it to God. He forgives us for everything we have ever done, and He tells us our slate is wiped clean. Let Him free you.

 

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3 thoughts on “Day 23: Guilt

  1. I struggle with guilt as well. I have made a lot of bad decisions in my life that I am still coming to terms with. I know God and my family forgive me but I find it hard to forgive myself. It is still something I am coming to terms with. Your post was very thought provoking. Thank you.

    • I am glad it resonated with you! Sometimes it’s hardest to forgive ourselves. But God forgives us. I was once told if we don’t forgive ourselves, then we are saying that Jesus wasn’t enough. That really affected me. I still struggle with that (obviously), but it provides a whole new perspective.

  2. Pingback: Day 27: Commitment | mrspallat

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