How did it go?
It’s a little hard to explain today. I’m still moving through an “episode” so my world seems a bit fuzzy at times. In some moments I’m alright, then something tiny happens and I’m not. But one thing did encourage me this morning, and that was a—you guessed it—podcast episode. Except it’s a different one than any of the others I’ve mentioned.
I haven’t found a church here, and I’m struggling to connect with God. I know the enemy wants as far away from Him during difficult times, but I am trying to find my way back. I follow my pastor from my previous city on Twitter, and he often Retweets Joel Osteen. So, in an effort to get some time with God more often, I subscribed to Joel Osteen’s podcast on iTunes. This morning, I listened to the most recent episode: “Right on Time.”
And I think listening to it this morning was perfect timing.
I definitely felt more positive, more empowered, more convicted after listening to it. It was a great way to spend 30 minutes of my morning commute.
Today also gave me more opportunities to figure things out. (Sorry, that’s the only way I can think to put it.) And I’ve realized something: I don’t want to be alone because my mind won’t stop spinning, but I also don’t want to be around others because then I have to perform a certain way. (Have you ever heard of “speech acts”?) But I realized I’m okay alone when I’m with Belle, writing, or even reading.
So I’ve decided I’m going to take some alone time. More than I have recently. I also think that’s the only way I’m going to gain a deeper connection with the Lord.
What did I learn?
I guess sometimes we do just need to be alone. And sometimes we need to revel in that alone-ness. And being alone is different than being lonely, especially if that alone-ness can bring you closer to the Lord.
The Joel Osteen podcast episode today talked about how God’s timing is always the perfect timing. We should not get upset or frustrated because something isn’t happening as fast or in the way we would like it to; God is moving. We have to trust in Him and His timing.
I learned that’s hard for me: trusting in His timing.
I believe in Him, and, deep down, I believe He can move mountains. But I need to spend time with Him to truly believe that. Which means I can’t rush anything because I haven’t figured out how to spend that much-needed time with Him yet.
Nothing will happen until I get my heart and soul right.