A Year Later…

It has been almost a year since a decision was made that almost broke my marriage. Thanks be to God that it didn’t. Through this, we have become stronger and better at communicating with each other what we need. The enemy sought to destroy us, but we fought long and hard. And I guarantee that fight is not over.

He came home from basic training in March. In April, he began Officer Candidate School (OCS). To keep from going into too much detail, it has not been exactly as we anticipated, which has been irritating at times.

I still struggle with the identity aspect. I always get the impression I should identify as a military wife, but that isn’t how I identify. I have things in my life that I want to do, and things I am proud of. My husband even agrees I may identify however I choose (with the unspoken understanding that I support him of course).

The repetitive questions of “where is he stationed?”, “how long will he be gone?”, and “when will he be deployed?” are getting a little irritating also. I have to explain what he does, which I hardly understand, and I typically get blank stares. I don’t have all the answers, nor does my husband, and there seems to be some sort of assumption that all military is the same. It’s one reason I don’t identify as a military spouse, why I don’t introduce us with that first—because there are too many questions.

Regardless of my irritations, which, yes, I understand are pointless and uncontrollable, part of me thinks this decision has forced us into situations we would not normally be in to test our relationship and our faith.

I asked my husband once, not too long ago, why he chose this: did he want to feel important (yes, I was being a little facetious)? Did he feel God was calling him to it? What? And he wasn’t sure how to answer, but he told me, “I just didn’t feel I could ignore this tugging to do it.” That was good enough for me. If this is God’s will for our life, all I can do is go along and pray the entire way.

A year ago, I was constantly upset. I didn’t want to speak to him or see him. I felt betrayed. I felt he had ruined our plans. I felt he was being selfish. I felt, for all intents and purposes, that he had “gone rogue” in our relationship and was only focusing on himself.

Now, I realize I was the one being selfish. He moved to Colorado to be with me when we were in college. He was more than happy to transfer schools. He was so supportive of me applying to graduate school; he encouraged it and told me to apply to more than the one school. And through it all he never asked me for anything except my love, respect, and support. And in the time he needed it I didn’t give it. So now I try to give it every opportunity. I am far from perfect; I still have my moments. But what is important is that I try.

I have been blessed with a husband who is patient with everything I am, so I must be patient with all he is.

This experience has led me deeper into my faith. It has led us both closer to our amazing God. It has helped us to really see our blessings. It has helped us to pray and seek. Maybe that was God’s intention.

We have had to both ask for forgiveness, from God and each other. It has not been an easy year, but I am blessed that we got another year. The enemy will continue to try to use this decision to destroy us, but we will continue to fight back. And we will never stop fighting.

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6 thoughts on “A Year Later…

  1. I also get blank stares when civilians ask me what my husband does in the navy. Also, I try not to tell people that he is in the military, unless I am asked. I am proud to be a ‘military wife’, but I just choose not to identify myself as one. I am happy that I am not the only one that feels this way 🙂

    • I am so glad I am not the only one either, especially because it often feels like I am. I have to explain his military service a lot when we try to make plans because those plans revolve around when he isn’t home–“Sorry, we can’t that weekend, he’s training.” Then I have to explain. It gets exhausting. haha.

  2. That’s why it’s always nice to meet other military wives because they understand how it is.

    What do you say when your in a job interview? Do you just not mention it all? I heard that employers will not hire us because they think we will not stay that long.

    • To an extent, yes.
      I have been fortunate enough that my current job is, basically, school–I teach two lower division courses as a graduate student, which pays for my graduate education. However, I have thought about job interviews, and those are about me–what I have done, what I am capable of, what I can do for the organization…It does not involve my husband. So, no, I don’t think I would mention it. If asked about it, I would explain that he is a Reservist, so moving does not really happen unless we wish it to, but we are bound to a certain state (for the most part). I know employers cannot use military service against the person serving (it is actually against the law), but I am unsure about those spouses. Regardless, my husband is not applying for the job, so what he does should not be brought up in an interview setting anyway.

      • I guess it is easier if you are sure that your husband will stick to one state. The reality is that most will have to PCS. We are moving and the next state is only for a year. I wouldn’t volunteer to give the information that my husband is in the military, but when you constantly move to different states (especially military towns), interviewers will figure it out on their own (i.e.usually resumes states where you work, maybe I could mention which state?). I will be going back to school, while at the same time work, so maybe that will help.

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