Here We Go Again

My husband posted a picture on Facebook yesterday of all his gear packed and ready to go and captioned it “Here we go again…” It’s fitting.

Today I say goodbye again. This time, though, it’s only two weeks. But, this time, there’s no form of communication while he is away—no phone calls, no Skype, and it’s too short of a time for letters. Aside from all of the other feelings that I have, which I pray for guidance from every day, I am sad. Sure, two weeks is nothing compared to three months, but without any communication, it could feel a lot longer.

I am also lonely. Let’s face it. I have nothing to gain from denying it. I’m lonely when he’s gone.

Yes, I’ll be busy. I am teaching in a four-week program for first generation college students all of June. That’s putting an entire semester’s worth of public speaking into only four weeks. So, yes, I’ll be busy.

But I also won’t have anyone to come home to besides the cats.

My husband and I were discussing this last night, and we realized that sometimes we forget how attached we are to each other. We have spent the better part of our relationship always together for no other reason than because we enjoy being with each other. We have been married for almost three years, and we have not really been apart in that time; his absence for basic training was really a first for us.

So I won’t lie. Yes, it is only two weeks, but I will still miss him a lot. Because I like to share my day with him, and I won’t be able to. Because I don’t like sleeping alone. Because I will miss his company.

We tend to also have a bad habit of fighting before he leaves, even if it’s only a few days before. And it is usually over little things. I think it’s because it’s easier to say goodbye when you’re upset because your emotions are in a different place. But I don’t want to be mad at him this time. So, I have a solution, which came from our pastor.

I am going to fill our apartment with uplifting scriptures. I will focus on those daily. I will pray for my husband daily. Because I know what he is doing isn’t easy.

Right now, I want to enjoy the few hours we have left together, even though they will be spent in a car to get him to base. Technically, he doesn’t leave until tomorrow, but they are required to be there this afternoon. Although that upsets me (there’s more to the story there, but we won’t go into that), I understand that neither he nor I can control it.

I will miss him terribly. I don’t think this goodbye will necessarily be any easier. But maybe the little things will make it so.

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