My husband and I have begun this little game of questions I found on Pinterest (find it here), and one of the questions is “What is the hardest thing you’ve ever done?” You may be thinking my answer was simple: graduate school. But you would only be partly correct. Sure graduate school is difficult—it’s definitely harder than undergraduate, and the expectations are more difficult to understand—and add my GTA position on top of that…there are times I feel I will be lucky to get out of this all alive. So, yes, it is hard. But do you know what it harder?
Yes, the hardest thing I have done is marriage. But wait. Before you judge me, continue reading.
When my husband proposed, there was no other thought in my mind than “Yes!” I can honestly say there were no doubts on my end that I wanted to spend the rest of my life, no matter how young I may have been, with this man. That isn’t to say I wasn’t nervous. I mean, I was turning 20 in 3 days (yes, he proposed right before my birthday), and we were going to have to have the sit down with my mom on her visit. But I was never nervous or scared I was making the wrong decision.
Almost 3 years of marriage later, I would still not change that answer. But it hasn’t been easy.
It isn’t easy to suddenly realize your paycheck is no longer only yours and you can’t do as you please with it. It isn’t easy to work through arguments without walking out to go to your own place—because now you share a space. It isn’t easy to get over a decision you didn’t feel 100% a part of it. As a Christian female, it isn’t easy to tell others, regardless of that decision, “I respect my husband and I support him.” As an only child, it isn’t easy to adjust to being with another person; it isn’t easy to realize and understand you must now grow together. As a female, it isn’t easy to tolerate the dark looks and the criticism of choosing to identity as a wife, as a “Mrs.”
There are times, I will admit, when I have thought, “why did we do this?” Or “did we get married too soon?” And a few months ago, when I felt like my plan had caved in, the thoughts were a lot darker than that. (As my mother has always told me: if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plan.)
No, marriage is not easy. Each one of us comes to marriage with our own preconceptions about what it’s going to be. We have expectations before reality punches us in the face and forces us to wake up. There are people who think marriage solves everything. It doesn’t. You’re given a whole new set of complications, and each relationship will have different issues. And it isn’t always easy to work out those issues.
So, what makes it worth it then? If it’s so gosh darn hard, why would anyone do it? If I am still figuring out who I am, why would I have gotten married just months before my 21st birthday?
Because as hard as those moments are, I would not want to have them with any other person. Because I want to figure out who I am with the man I love beside me every step of the way. Because I am blessed to have found the one whom my soul loves so early in life. And I didn’t want to waste a single minute.
No, marriage is not easy. God did not design marriage to be easy. He designed marriage to be a partnership. Marriage is a promise to be partners in life.
Marriage isn’t easy. But what makes it easier is knowing I would not want to go through the hard times or the good times with anyone besides the man I married.