I would like to first apologize for not updating in so long. It has been a rough few months, and graduate school has made me crazy busy to the point that anytime I am on my computer, it is school related.
My husband has been at Basic Combat Training since January and will graduate in March. He is an officer candidate in the National Guard, so at least he gets to come home immediately after graduation.
The time apart, though, has given me an opportunity to examine myself in a variety of ways, from how I can be more devoted to school to how I can be more devoted to my faith and, in turn, him. I have been able to keep up more regularly with my coursework, especially my online classes, because I don’t have my (albeit, wonderful) husband to distract me. Sometimes I’m even ahead (on a good week)! I am planning out my assignments because I will be gone the second week of March to see him at his graduation, so I am trying to ensure I don’t have a lot of work to do then, which means I need to get ahead as much as possible now.
Delving into my faith is where the self-exploration comes in. I realized, with the help of my pastor, that I was holding on to far too much anger at him, and it was really affecting my relationship with him and with God. It was a constant black spot that I needed to clear away. I feel, through prayer and study, I have been doing well at removing that blackness. I don’t feel that way anymore, though. I’ve tried to let go. I have come a long way in just a week I think.
His letters help, actually, because I know he is still the same person I left December 29th. That isn’t to say it isn’t difficult, because it is. In fact, it hasn’t gotten easier. What has gotten easier, though, is loving him and forgiving him. I know now what I should have known all along: he loves me no matter what and God is in control. I am ashamed that it has taken me so long, but I am glad to have that bit of enlightenment now.
In the most recent letter, he told me he wanted to plan something to make up for not being home for Valentine’s Day and that he is trying to plan the entire first week he is back home. It definitely took me by surprise as he has never really done that before; it’s been all me. But I am happy he is thinking about it, and I am really excited to see what he plans.
Most importantly, I am really excited to see him. On Wednesday it will be 4 weeks until I see his handsome face again. His hair is still SUPER short (like, practically bald), which is, I have to admit, not something I’m looking forward to. But I am so beyond excited to see him and kiss him and hug him and spend time with him.
I will do my best to update more frequently, especially as the BIG DAY looms closer and after we are reunited. Let the countdown really begin. In fact, I would like to share some Bible verses here in the next few weeks that have truly helped me through this.
Smile. Keep the faith. And remember: God’s got it.